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Shadow U.N. Security Council Declares Moment of "Truth"

The Azores, NUNS, 16 March 2003: In what could have been a surprise only to the utterly benighted, the American president and his running dogs declared today that the moment had finally come for "truth". Even less surprising was the complete failure to produce any "truth" by the leaders of the presently or formerly important countries who gathered in this holiday paradise for the critical confab which lasted barely an hour. Questioned about this apparent failure, Wary Flacker, spokesperson for American supremo George Bush, pointed out that his boss DID finally make it clear that his agenda was and had always been not the disarmament of Iraq's Saddam Hussein but his removal from power, or if at all possible, his death. When questioned about whether or not this fact could all along have been the source of Bush's inability to obtain the support of anyone at all for his own narrowly self-interested goals, Mr Flacker admitted that this was almost certainly the case, but that asking such a question was the sign of a very bad attitude.
The prime ministers of perennial friends Great Britain and Spain were hosted in the Azores, along with the US leader, by the nervously excited prime minister of Portugal leading to speculation that the Americans were seeking to revive the fortunes of the Great Powers of the 16th century in the hopes of finding support among any great powers at all for its Iraq war plans. Reports from Beijing and Istanbul indicate that both Chinese authorities and revanchist Ottomon elements were bitterly disappointed by the fact that they were not invited despite their very impressive 16th century empires. Speculation was also rife that the US might also be making a bid for moving a considerably revised United Nations apparatus to these remote islands located approximately 900 miles from the closest landfall.
In a rather chaotic question period following the delivery of prepared statements by these worthies, Mr Bush was asked whether this meant war was imminent. "I don't see how it could be otherwise," said the president, clearly dazzled by the bright lights and all the attention. "Now that we have learned that the Iraqis were responsible for sinking the USS Maine in the Gulf of Tonkin I cannot imagine why the people or leaders of any right-thinking nation would want to show their poor grasp of reality by refusing to join us in our crusade against the Evil Doers." The prime minister of Portugal made it clear through a spokeswoman that he understood neither English nor Portuguese when he was asked whether or not hosting this 'summit' was an indication that Portugal was signalling its intent to commit forces or other resources to the American war effort.
Although Mr Aznar, the Spanish prime minister, was totally ignored by the audience of carefully-selected reporters, being finally forced to steal a question intended for the American and British leaders so he could speak at all, the twitchy and obviously uncomfortable Mr Blair of Great Britain went to great pains to repeat over and over again his mantra of unity and impatience. Despite unmistakable indications that the British public disagree with him, Mr Blair has clung ever more tightly to the coat tails of the American president in apparent hopes that he might be picked as his running mate in the 2004 American presidential elections. Mr Blair's seemingly forlorn hope has been bolstered by uncorroborated reports that the current vice-president Mr Cheney will be appointed as governor-general of the new US possessions in Mesopotamia.

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